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The Dog House


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T
Posted by Biggie T at 7:17 PM - 22 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 "This...Is Collinwood...Home of...Barnabas Collins..."
 

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When I hear this theme and see pictures of this opening...

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...I can remember running home from elementary school every day to watch this. The neighborhood kids would all converge at our house to watch it, because some of their parents didn't let them watch it for one reason or another.

So anyway...we had this ritual that took place every day after school, revolving around Dark Shadows. The boy that could jump off of the chair by the door in our living room and make the least noise got to be Barnabas that day and got to wear the cape while it was on. Conversely, the rule was supposed to be that the girl who could do it got to be Angelique. If you were Angelique, you didn't get to wear a cool cape or anything, you just got to be Angelique.

The trouble always began when my cousin Star would come over sometimes. She was at least two years older and quite a bit bigger than any of the rest of us and there was no way she could be quiet when she jumped off the chair. So on those days, Star got to be Angelique by proxy...and the other two girls that were my age would just sit and sulk all through the show or just go home.

The REAL trouble started the afternoon that my cousin Star decided that she was tired of being Angelique and she wanted instead to be Barnabas that day.

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The other boys and I exchanged nervous glances. Star was much bigger than any of us boys and ten times more aggressive. The silent message we exchanged with our eyes was...

..."GIRLS CAN'T BE BARNABAS COLLINS!!!!!"

I ran into the kitchen.

"GRAAAAAAAMMMMMAAAAAAA! STAAAAAR WANTS TO WEAR THE CAPE AND BE BAAAAAARNABAS! TELL HER ONLY BOYS CAN BE BARNABAS COLLINS!"

"Star's your company and if she wants to be Barnabas, she can" my grandmother said. NOT the answer I was hoping for.

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I loved that show. Barnabas was scary, but you still liked him. I think the doctor's name was Judith. They were friends, but I was always nervous when they were hanging out together, because I was afraid Barnabas was going to bite her anyway. He was cool, but you still didn't trust him completely.

And Angelique and Quentin? Oh Lawd, yall....Hotties Hotties Hotties. I think that's why I am still fascinated to this day with voluptuous breasts and big fat sideburns. Oh please, I'm gay as a goose, but I still loves seein' a set of bodacious taa-taas, but alas...the sexy 60s sideburns still wins.

And the ghost that would call the kids on the old phone for a few episodes...I think that was Aaron. I used to go around picking up the phones in our house every now and then, hoping that Aaron would be on the other end.

_____________________________________________________________________

When I found this on You Tube last night, I was ecstatic. Check it OUT! It's "THE SCENE", where Barnabas finally busts Angelique. AWESOME. CLASSIC. OMG...I remembered every second of this scene.





Posted by Biggie T at 7:05 PM - 53 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Saturday Night Blog Thingy: My Brown Eyed Girl
 

Hers a good girl...yesh hers iz a good girl.
Hers my brown eyed girl...yesh hers iz.











Posted by Biggie T at 3:50 PM - 18 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Closely Watched Trains... Niggers With Attitude
 

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No matter what I accomplish...no matter how much I educate myself...no matter what type of clothes I wear or what command I have of the English language and Western reason and decorum and capitalism...I will never be "not a nigger".

I'm as white and queer as that last little gardenia blossom that unfolded tonight behind the shed in defiance of the season...but I'm still a nigger.

For at least 5 generations, according to what I read in our family Bible, we worked in little nigger mills or on nigger farms or railroads and preached in little nigger churches on Sunday.

Gardenia white nigger.
White
and pale
and unseasonable
and stubborn
and defiant
and unreasonable
and beautiful
and fleeting
like that last gardenia bloom
down behind the shed
that would have gone
unnoticed
if not kissed
goodnight
by a full moon
in late October.

_____________________________________________________________________


When I get on the train to work every morning, 90% of me wants the train to take me to work, seamlessly, predictably, and comfortably to a world that exists in my head where I am not a nigger.

1% of me wants the train to derail and take me to Disneyland.
1% of me wants the train to derail and take me to Darfur.
1% of me wants the train to derail and take me to Dachau.
1% of me wants the train to derail and take me to New Orleans.
1% of me wants the train to derail and take to fashion week in Milan.
1% of me wants the train to derail and take to Haight-Ashbury in 1966.
1% of me wants the train to derail and take me to a McCarthy hearing.
1% of me wants the train to derail and take me to Jack Kennedy's inaguration.
1% of me wants the train to derail and take me to a mountain in Tibet.

1% of me wants the train to derail and take me to Philadelphia in 1787 for the signing of the Constitution. I want to be looking over G. Washington's shoulder, whispering "Hey, that's for niggers too, right George? Right?"

Posted by Biggie T at 2:44 AM - 7 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 OMG...Now I Am TOTALLY In Love...Kid Rock Update
 

Man...it's times like these that I wish you guys all lived in Atlanta. If you did, you would be laughing hysterically just reading the words "Police said Ritchie was finishing up a post-show meal at a Waffle House on Buford Highway".

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A Waffle House of all places...and Buford Highway is like one big mid-1970s cheap apartment complex with rust colored shag carpet.

My county ROCKS. We are most famous for Cynthia McKinney and Whitney & Bobby...and now this. Atlanta is in two counties...Fulton and Dekalb. We keep all the culture over in Fulton. Over here in Dekalb County, we pretty much spend our days raising hell and going ape-shit.

This from the AJC...

"Kid Rock Jailed After Waffle House Brawl

By Saeed Ahmed
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 10/22/07
While promoting his latest CD, Kid Rock vowed he was putting his days of made-for-the-tabloid antics behind him.

The man from Michigan says he wants to be known for his music, not as a gossip-column item.

This weekend in Atlanta, Kid Rock managed to do both.

Saturday night, he rocked a sold-out Tabernacle at a show supporting "Rock N Roll Jesus," the No. 1 album in the country and the first chart-topper of his 17-year career.

A few hours later, Kid Rock, who calls his genre-bending blend of country, rap and Southern rock "Hick-Hop," was arrested after police said he and his entourage beat up a customer —- at a Waffle House.

Rock, whose real name is Robert James Ritchie, 36, was charged with simple battery, as were five other men who were with him.

He was released from DeKalb County Jail on Sunday afternoon after posting a $1,000 bond on the misdemeanor charge.

Police said Ritchie was finishing up a post-show meal at a Waffle House on Buford Highway about 5:15 a.m. Sunday when a customer recognized a woman in his entourage and began exchanging words with her.

Ritchie joined in the altercation, which soon escalated into a physical fight between the rocker and the man, Harlem DeJon Akins, 39.

Soon, five other men in his entourage —- including the guitarist and the bass player in his band, Twisted Brown Trucker —- jumped into the fray, and the fight spilled from inside the restaurant into the parking lot, said police spokeswoman Mekka Parish.

When the brawl ended, Ritchie and his group got into their tour bus and left the scene.

An officer pulled the bus over at Buford Highway and Lenox Road, and all five men were booked into jail on the misdemeanor battery charge.

Along with Ritchie, police charged guitarist Jason E. Krause, 38; bassist Aaron Julison, 27; George P. Vourvoulias, 36; James W. Murphy, 34; and Brian O. Lang, 37.

Akins, the customer who suffered minor cuts and bruises in the fight, faces a more serious charge.

Police said that during the fight, he punched a window of the restaurant and broke it.

Because the pane cost more than $500, Akins was charged with a felony criminal damage to property.

Employees of the 24-hour eatery at 2812 Buford Highway said Sunday evening they weren't permitted to talk about the fight that resulted in the boarded-up window, referring comments to the restaurant spokesman.

"He [Akins] destroyed the window," said spokesman Pat Warner. "I really don't know what the intent was behind it."

Ritchie's publicist could not be reached for comment Sunday night.

It was the second weekend in a row that an artist who is signed to Atlantic Records has been arrested in metro Atlanta.

On Oct. 13, federal agents arrested rapper T.I. in a Midtown parking lot as he allegedly tried to illegally buy three machine guns and two silencers, hours before he was to receive two top awards at the BET Hip-Hop Awards.

Unlike T.I, whose rise to success is a bonafide rags-to-riches story, the myth that Ritchie cultivates about growing up in a double-wide trailer in Michigan belies the fact that his father owned two successful car dealerships.

He shot to superstardom in 1998 with his fourth CD, "Devil Without a Cause," where he adopted what he described as a "white-trash" persona and cashed in on the popularity of rap-metal, selling 12 million records.

Since then, his CDs have continued to do relatively well, but his personal life continued to steal the spotlight from his musical achievements.

His stint as husband No. 2 to actress Pamela Anderson last year —- and the subsequent ugly breakup —- grabbed headlines, as did the kerfuffle last month at the MTV Video Music Awards when he punched his ex's ex, Tommy Lee.

With "Rock N Roll Jesus," Ritchie said he was getting back on topic.

The CD knocked Bruce Springsteen's recorded-in-Atlanta "Magic" off the top spot, and sold 172,000 copies in its first week.

"The personal antics have overshadowed the music," he told The Associated Press this month. "I am hoping to bring it back to the music now."

Today, he can start all over again."

T
Posted by Biggie T at 3:27 AM - 14 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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Author: Biggie T
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