Good God Almighty. What have I become?

The Dalai Lama has been here for three weeks at Emory University as a steward professor. He is making a public appearance at Centennial Park Monday night, then one more week in the US and then...POOF..back to Tibet.

"Are you going to go hear the Dalai Lama tomorrow night?"...customers ask.

"Are you going to go hear the Dalai Lama tomorrow night?"...my friends ask.



No I'm not going to go hear the Dalai Lama tomorrow night. Tomorrrow night, I'm lugging cases of Christmas merchandise out of my living room and into the store. Gosh darn it, if the Dalai Lama feels inclined, he can march his little Tibetan butt right over here to the store and help set up the "Under The Sea" Christmas theme display in the front window.

My oh my...how priorities change. I would have been on the Dalai Lama like a duck on a june bug five years ago. Five years ago, I reckon I was more about Dharma than Dollars.

I TOTALLY SUCK AS A BUDDHIST.

You know what though? My little ass will be up on a step ladder, hanging up dozens of little mermaid and mermen and kissy-fish and seahorse ornaments on aqua and sequin fishnet for our Christmas Under The Sea theme in the window of my store tomorrow night.



Different strokes for different folks I guess. One man's enlightenment is another man's kissy fish ornament. One man's Nirvana is another man's Christmas Under The Sea window display.

(I just got so excited thinking about how cute the ornaments are that I can't even remember the allegory I was thinking about earlier. I've never fucked up a post like this before, but right now I can't even remember why I started talking about the Dalai Lama, and I sure as hell can't remember how the graphic of the scary little record girl was supposed to fit in to the post.)

BREATHE Biggie T BREATHE

I love the Dalai Lama and I love the concept of my Christmas Under The Sea window display fairly equally. Now I'm just not sure how they relate to each other. Dammit. All I know is that there is a scheduling conflict. I've been planning both for months. I can't do both. If I do go to see the Dalai Lama tomorrow night, I'll just be constantly and subconsciously thinking about aqua sequined fishnet the whole time anyway.

For some reason, I've been doing some extreme grocery shopping every night after work lately. When I got home tonight after hunting and gathering at Kroger's, I finally couldn't fit everything that I have been accumulating over the past few days into the refrigerator.

Then something dawned on me. This is odd behaviour even for me. As I was standing there, steadying myself with one hand on the rim of the kitchen sink, eating the six yogurt cups, the jar of pickles, and the canteloupe that wouldn't fit into the refrigerator, I started to have a revelation...

...I'm turning into a squirrel.

I'm turning into a squirrel very much like how the guy in Franz Kafka's novel The Metamorphosis turned into a cockroach, except with me it's a squirrel. For some reason, I find myself subconsciously gathering and hording late autumn food as if I were stocking up for a cold winter in the forest.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that there are other tell-tale signs that I am turning into a squirrel.



Evidence A.) Last Thursday night, I struck up a conversation with a couple that was shopping in the store. It turns out that they were from upstate NY and were in Atlanta for a tree climbing convention. A Tree Climbing Convention. Well, I had never heard of such a thing, so I delved. As it happens, there is a very dedicated and passionate group of people that gather every year and practice, discuss, compete, and hold seminars on free style tree climbing. So anyway...

I was enthralled...and I'm not being sarcastic. They made it sound like so much fun! I seriously wanted to hook up with them the next morning and climb a tree.

Evidence B.) A bag of crushed walnuts beckoned to me in the baking products aisle at Kroger's Saturday night. Prior to this week, I've never had a craving for crushed walnuts...unless I had plans for making brownies or preparing a concealed fruit salad, but something made me grab the bag and eat half of them while I continued to shop and the other half in the car on the way home.

Evidence C.) The late autumn food hording thing.

Evidence D.) When I was walking across the road in front of the store during rush hour traffic today, I got halfway across...then froze when I saw a car coming...and instead of running to the other side, I stood there and stared at the car for a second and then scurried back to the side that I came from.

(ok...maybe I just made up D., but it does sound like something I might do, now that I'm turning into a squirrel and all.)

Yup...all evidence indicates that I am turning into a squirrel...much like Gregor, the main character in The Metamorphosis, who turned into a cockroach. Except with me, it's a squirrel.

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When I first read The Metamorphosis as a freshman, I thought the same thing that I do today...

...What a creative way to call in sick to work.

Considering the tough job market in Prague in 1915, I suppose you had to come up with some good excuses when you phoned the boss and told him you just couldn't come in today.

"Hello...this is Gregor." (Then instead of faking a cough, you had to fake the "krrrcckk" sound that a cockroach makes.) "Uh, yes...this is Gregor and I'm afraid I'm not (krrrcckk) feeling very well this morning. I drank a bottle of (krrrcckk) absinthe last night and I seem to be turning into a (krrrcckk) cockroach this morning. I'm pretty sure it's just metaphoric though, so I should be fine to come in tomorrow. And...(krrrcckk)...the Peterson file is on my desk if you need it."

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Addendum 10/18/07 at 2:00 pm: I meant to type "congealed fruit salad", not "concealed fruit salad". I'm pretty sure those are two very different things.

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Mwah Mwah (krrrcckk), T

Note to self: Don't buy Halloween candy so far ahead of October 31st next year.

(So...I'm sitting here all hopped up on little individual Reese's Cups and listening to the new Kid Rock CD "Rock n Roll Jesus". I have this fear that I'm going to crash and wake up on the floor in a pile of little empty wrappers with this song playing over and over again.)



Anyways...the CD is tight. I heard the single "So Hott" today while waiting in line at the drive-through at McDonalds. I guess I was getting into it a little too much. When I got to the speaker I said "What up dawg?"

Biggie: Come on dawg, hook me up with a Number 2 Meal and a Filet O Fish.

(Ever notice that something tastes better when its an "O" instead of "of"? Like Filet O Fish or Basket O Fries. A filet OF fish is ok, and a basket OF fries is nice, but dang...a Filet "O" Fish and a Basket "O" Fries...now THAT'S some REAL good shit.)

McDonalds Guy: Will that be all?

Biggie: Yo...and Biggie Size that shit, for real yall!

McDonalds Guy: Uh...we don't Biggie Size at McDonalds, sir. That's Wendys. We Super Size.

Biggie: Dang boy, just make it Crazy-Stoopid-Super-Sized then, dawg!

(When I try to talk slang...I end up sounding like a weird mix of The Beastie Boys, Lil Jon, Bill Clinton, Deputy Dog, and Willona from Good Times)



So anyways...Kid Rock.

(Stay on subject, Mr. Poster Child for AADD)

I actually never paid much attention to him before about three years ago. I was never a big fan of his until I saw him live at Music Midtown in 2004 and I have to say I was blown away. During his show, he wanders back and forth from rock to hip hop and all over the place...and he works it all. He got the crowd going all crazy. He even TORE UP an old Jerry Lee tune. It was hot.



He's a bad ass rocker and can hold his own when gets all hip hop. I love that...especially right now when unfortunately there's a real void of bad ass rockers.

And of course, his new single contains the newest classic Kid Rock line..."I wanna f*ck you like I'm never gonna see you again".

Boy sure nuff gets himself in trouble and gets himself all over the tabloids though, don't he?



Side note: I'm listening to the cut "All Summer Long" off the new album and something is bugging me. The melody sounds really really really like "Werewolves of London". Really really like.. as in...it IS the melody to "Werewolves of London".




Mwah Mwah, T

It'll cost nothing to dream, & everything not to.

I have a sneaking suspicion that this post isn't going to make a whole lot of sense. It will most likely be disjointed like my brain seems to be today. I spent the whole day locked away by myself in the office at home, working on the website and sippin' a little sumpin-sumpin.

I get a little wonky if I'm left alone unsupervised for any length of time. My AADD kicks in full throttle. My mind starts wandering. My brain uses all my Sky Miles and goes off on a little vaction of it's own...without me.



Insanity is merely an opinion.

The voices are saying to me various things like..."Why the H-E-Double-Toothpicks are ya sittin' there all cloistered 'n shit, T?" "Why ya drivin' yourself all CAHrazee about stuff today, little tiger?" I think one of my voices even said "Ya bettah check yoself befo you wreck yoself" Maybe that last one was just the lyrics on a song from V103 that I was listening to earlier today. I can't be sure right now.



Redeem yourself. You are your biggest cash prize.

Here's why I went into "the mode" today...InStyle Magazine contacted us this morning and asked us to overnite UPS some product samples of various items on our website that they fancied, for them to photograph, along with our rough copy about them for editorial consideration.

I want to type that again calmly and slowly...this time without hyperventilating.

INSTYLE...MAGAZINE...contacted us this morning.....and asked us to overnite UPS product samples of various items on our website that they facied,......for them to photograph,.....along with our rough copy about them....for.....editorial consideration.

Here's the deal.... We've gotten picked up by Atlanta Magazine a few times which has been very cool. Lucky Magazine has mentioned us twice in the Atlanta section that gets plugged into their southeast distribution which was way cool. DailyCandy.com has featured us three times already in the Atlanta section, which is way way cool. (they just did a spot on us this past Monday) My friend Joy, who runs the Oh Joy! design blog and is also the lifestyle editor for the Philadelphia Inquirer, is spotting our website this Friday in her column for our Charley Harper stuff....way way way cool, but still regional...even if it's Philadelphia instead of Atlanta.

Uh...uh...uh...(hyperventilating again)...InStyle Magazine would be the first totally national presence for us.

Something like this has been lurking in our brains and our biznezz plan, but not this early on.

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Here's the other deal. I had a long, slow exhale today. I snapped a little today and started spiralling into the psychological clamp-down that I used to program myself with. The "I don't deserve stuff like this" brain fuck. The "I'm from a family of preachers and farmers and blue collar workers that worked their asses off and still barely lived week to week on what they made" guilt thing. There has always been something in me that told me I would have something different. Not better or more honorable...just different.

Now that it looks like I'm getting it, something in my brain has to fuck it up a little and spoil the party and tell me that I really don't deserve it all. My brain picked today of all days to start that shit. Stupid brain.



Life needs more green lights.

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So here I sat locked up in my room all day, rattling away at the website, making sure it was all real cute and tight for Joy's Philadelphia Inquirer readers and for the eyes of the editors of InStyle Magazine. Unsupervised...silly little brain full of all sorts of nonsense and cheap merlot and insecurity.



The future is just a collection of successive nows.

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The paintings that I embedded are from Atlanta artist Rodney White. Well...I suppose he's a Brooklyn artist now that he moved up there two years ago. They really inspire me. I think they are all that.

The playlist is a throw down for Brother Scratch.

I needed music to center me today. Scratch put together a sublime and awesome playlist on his Saturday crawl thingy that kept me company and kept me in a groove and kept me sane today. I wanted to put together something for him in return.

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Scratch...this is some stuff in more or less the same vein as the awesome 90's electronica stuff you treated me to today. It's some of the first 'lectro tunes that came to mind that I loved then. The ones that still resonate with me and bring back a shit load of memories. Good crazy sublime memories.

Most of these tunes center around this funky ass pivitol point in my life. Ten years ago. That year I had just fucked up a long term relationship. My mom had just passed away. I uprooted myself and moved from a little comfortable town to Atlanta. Almost freaking penniless because I had this grand idea to divest myself and start a new life. I agreed to a job and a salary that barely paid my rent and grocery bill.

But I had these tunes in my new world. In the gay/straight/whatever scary and dark and cavernous and surreal clubs that my new friends in Atlanta took me to. Tunes that we used to pick to play at 6am in my shitty little apartment on Penn Street in midtown after we had dragged ourselves down the street from the clubs. And in my head all that year everyday. That year is where my head goes when I hear these. I felt as though I had jumped off a cliff that year and the music stayed with me. Both felt scary good and in hindsight, were essential.

The tune by Lo Fidelity Allstars especially. Be sure to check that one out. In my crazy head, that sorta became my anthem for that year. "Swords" resonates with me very very much as well. And "Numbers" by Kraftwerk...well...that song...uh...I'll just have to PM ya to tell you what that makes me remember. That may be a little too R rated fer the masses.

Granted...the Royskopp and Moby tunes at the end may be a little cheesy...but I still likes em.

I think it's good good old school stuff. It's the stuff that still gets me out mah chair and dancing around like a crazy fool. It's not mixed worth a damn, but I hope you dig it.

A) I love Yoohoos. I dunno..there's something about the mixture of chocolaty and milky and fizzy...kinda like an egg cream in a bottle. If you don't know what an egg cream is, it's basically the ancestor of Yoohoo...same basic idea. The egg cream was created in Brooklyn in the 1890s in a Jewish neighborhood drug store. Trust me, referring to an egg cream as a "Jewhoo" is frowned upon.

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B) I can't imagine not having dogs in my life. The happiest moment of every day of my life is walking through the back door and being greeting by my two best buddies that act so happy to see me that they can't control themselves.

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C) I ordered grits to go with my breakfast again this morning for probably the 800th time in my life. I hate grits. I have no idea why I always order them instead of hashbrowns. I guess I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe one day I will like them. I take one bite and that one mouthful lingers on top of my tongue and it takes a full minute to finally swallow it. I finally get one mouthful down and the rest of the bowl sits there untouched. I honestly have no idea why I repeat this bizarre breakfast ritual over and over again.

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D) Hey...have you guys checked out Pioneer's latest project...Question Stream? It's very interesting and entertaining. It totally appeals to the voyeur and anthropologist in me. A bunch of our Blogstream friends are over there asking and answering and commenting on a whole slew of questions from the silly to the sublime and thought provoking. It's like Blogstream Lite.

Some of the responses to one particular question the other day really un-nerved me. The question was posed by Pioneer and in essence was "What do you do when approached by a homeless person asking for money?" The answers are framed as multiple choice and the choices were something like "give money" "give food", "ignore them"...and one negative option that I can't recall. Anyway...the largest response was "ignore them".

I was shocked I guess...and disappointed in some of these humans that were answering the question. I guess I just don't live in that kind of world...where people would turn their backs and turn a blind eye and not even make the slightest gesture of change or a buck to somebody that asks. First of all, I can't imagine taking a kharma hit like that. Second, I can't even begin to comprehend that people can't see that "there but for the grace of God go I". I guess I just think it's best to be on the lookout for Jesus on the road and cover your brother or sister's back...know whut I'm sayin'?

Sweet dreams, T

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Addendum 9/10/07: I got quezy reading this...

From The Associated Press

"MAN EATS 21 POUNDS OF GRITS FOR TITLE
Sun Sep 30, 1:18 AM ET

BOSSIER CITY, La. - He'll never want breakfast again.

Pat Bertoletti, a mohawk-sporting chef from Chicago, gulped down 21 pounds of buttery, goopy grits in 10 minutes to win $4,000 in the first World Grits Eating Championship at Louisiana Downs on Saturday.

The grits were presented in 2-pound trays, each about 8 inches by 6 inches and 1 1/2 inches deep, said Ryan Nerz, a spokesman for Major League Eating.

Bertoletti, in a statement, said the race "tested our stomach capacity like no other."

The buzz going in was that a lot of grits would go down because they are so easy to eat, Nerz said. There were nine contestants, and the top three ate a combined 60 pounds.

Tim "Eater X" Janus of New York was second, with 20 pounds. Joey Chestnut of San Jose, Calif., who this summer ate a record-breaking 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes to become world hot dog-eating champion, finished third, polishing off 19 pounds.

The top seven eaters split $10,000 in prize money.

Grainy grits — dried, ground corn that is then cooked back into mush or the soupy consistency used for the championship — are a Southern staple. They are often eaten for breakfast with butter or even sugar; sometimes chilled and then fried in slices; and, for more substantial meals, fortified with stronger-tasting foods such as cheese, bacon, shrimp."