Oh fer cryin out loud! It just really pisses me off to read about Jena, Louisiana. Stupid little southern town with stupid white people and stupid black people that don't have enough damn common sense to just get along. Inept southern "teachers" and "parents" perpetuating their racist delusions and narrow mindedness and stupidity and handing them down to their innocent children. I guarantee these kids wouldn't have turned out to be just plain thugs if they were raised by people that knew how to act right themselves.

I'm usually a big cheerleader for the South. I was born here and I have lived here all my life. I love my South...except right now. Everybody in the South knows that little towns like Jena still exist in pockets down here...disguised as nice communities, but underneath, full of hate and ignorance and intolerance and heartless and soul-less people out of touch with the contemporary world.

I say carpetbag these miserable little southern shit towns and their miserable little shit town elders. Strangely enough, sometimes it seems that it takes a generation or two of black leadership for some southern cities to start acting right.

I guess that's the main reason why I am really glad that I live in Atlanta instead of the small southern city I grew up in. Atlanta is diverse and is a southern city with brains and a soul and a heartbeat. It's always called "The City Too Busy To Hate". I love that slogan. I see it lived out every day.

AND most importantly... where else but in my beautiful chocolate city would I hear The Funkadelics' One Nation Under A Groove playing over the store's music system at my Krogers?? I heard it there this afternoon while I was shopping for groceries and just looked around at the incredible mixture of beautiful, intelligent blacks and whites and Asians and Arabs that I share my neighborhood with. I had more faith in the south at that moment than I had for the past few days.
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And another thing...SAY GOODBYE TO MARC'S GALL BLADDER

I have to get outta here before the Unisom kicks in. We have to get up really really really early and get Marc to the hospital to have his gall bladder surgery at 6am. Send good thoughts his way, yall.

(I was supposed to have jury duty tomorrow as well, but they dismissed juror numbers 500 and above. I was #518.) What a week.

So anyway...Peace & Love, Your boy T

I had the Eddie Vedder dream again last night. This time, we were in a pool at a Holiday Inn trying to swim like dolphins. Then this black family with like eight kids came out to the pool and they were really loud and obnoxious. That's all I remember. Dammit...that was THE worst Eddie Vedder dream I've ever had. All the other ones have all ended up a LOT better than that one.



So anyway....the last time I remember dreaming about a black family at a pool was back when the Olympics were here in Atlanta. I dreamed that in the middle of one of the swimming events, a random heavy-set black family walked into the pool area with coolers and floats and pool toys.
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In the Olympics dream, they were walking toward the pool silently and stoically in single file with their coolers and pool toys. There was classical music playing, like this was part of the event. Then the music stopped and they started jumping into the pool, laughing and thrashing and splashing around and yelling at the top of their lungs. I remember waking up laughing hysterically.
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And...before you start...noooooo, I don't believe that all black people are loud and obnoxious at public swimming pools or during scary movies at the theater. Oh please, I don't have a racist bone in my body...but Lord knows I do like to giggle. And...I heart Eddie Vedder.
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Peace, T

I got caught at dinner for 90 minutes in an Indian restaurant because the service was really really slow and there was a Bollywood film playing on the big screen TV. I watched the whole thing and became immersed in the culture. Consequently, I now consider myself an authority on Bollywood dancing.



I've decided to pursue a career as a Hindu actress. Beginning October 31st, I would prefer that you address me by my Bollywood name...Sue Nami.

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Note: My decision to become a Bollywood actress totally eclipses and replaces my earlier plan for a Halloween costume....


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Back to the dance. These are the basic steps to Bollywood dancing...

1) Postion yourself back-to-back with your partner. Smile and look impishly into the camera.

2) Jump away from your partner and then turn toward them. Lean forward and shake your shoulders and give them a stern look.

3) Jump backwards and cock your head back with a single "ha", suggesting a spontaneous burst of laughter.

4) Lean forward and wave your hand behind you as if you were fanning away a fart.

5) Lean backwards and wave your hand in front of your crotch as if someone had poured a bottle of Tabasco Sauce into your jockstrap or panties...as the case may be.

6) Left foot hop hop hop. Right foot hop hop hop. Left foot single hop. Right foot single hop. Repeat.

7) Both foot hop hop hop hop while flapping your arms horizontally in front of you wildly as if saying "Yo yo yo, come get ya some of this dope-delicious Tikka Masala...yo, check it out, I used extra yogurt. It's off the chain, yo"

That's it. Master these and you are on your way to a successful career in the Hindu film industry.

T

In 1912 Christian Larson wrote a creed for the organization known as The Optimists. It encourages us to make all of our friends feel valued, and to treasure others’ triumphs as much as we do our own. We are to forget the mistakes of the past and start life each day with a positive spirit.
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The Optimist's Creed

"Promise Yourself-
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best,
To work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
Promise yourself."
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(I have this magnet on my refrigerator so I can see this every morning when I walk out da back door)


T

Well...I'm going to grow my goatee back, like in this photo from 3 years ago. I've been clean-shaven for almost a year now and it just aint working for me anymore.

I've got that precarious three days growth on it at the moment and actually right this minute I just look like a homeless guy...

...or a crazy uncle that lives on his houseboat, collects assault rifles, eats nothing but pork rinds and potted meat, and refuses to comply with restraining orders.

Soooo...in spite of the fact that when I sport some kind of facial hair it's been pointed out to me on different occasions that I look like...

A. Festus from the TV show "Gunsmoke"...



B) ...Billy Bob Thorton...



...or C) The hillbilly on the old Mountain Dew bottles...



...I'm still gonna grow it back.

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I've decided to go with the "Festus" look.

In conjunction, I've decided to work the "-like" suffix into all adjectives I use in conversation.

As in...

"You sure sang that song real pretty-like, Miss Brittney"

or

"Son, that's MY Nachos Bell Grande. Just back off real slow-like and aint nobody gonna get hurt."

or

"I can't remember the last time I had something this dang yummy-like and politically incorrect-like as this foie gras"

T