I'm hopped up on unclaimed Halloween Butterfinger Minis and Bud Lite...a frightening and intoxicating combination of sugar, processed chocolate, and mass-market alcohol.
It's 1965. It's not Halloween, but you're dressed up in a Sherlock Holmes twead outfit, complete with the dumb double brimmed cap. The other kids in your first grade class have made fun of you all day. Your mom works two jobs and attends business classes at night. One of her jobs is at the Buster Brown plant and you are wearing a free sample of an outfit that was proto-typed and rejected, that they gave her at the end of last season's run. Your mom is single, fashionable, funny, and hard working. Her circumstances demand she be frugal.
Some days after school, in your double brimmed Sherlock Holmes cap that the other kids laughed at all day, you just wait.
You know you are different, and you wait.
You wait until all the other moms have gone. You wait even until all the teachers have gone. You wait until even Willy the janitor has gone. You stare at a fixed point of some undefined spot in the empty elementary school parking lot until your mom finally rolls up in her car.
When you see your mom's face, none of that matters anymore. That shameful cap is suddenly a crown of glory. What fools they were! That silly cap you are wearing is fabulous in the eyes of someone that truly loves and appreciates you.
Your life will be full of those moments, staring at the pointe fixe of those undefined empty parking lots of your youth, waiting for an undefined rescue wagon.
It comes eventually, when you learn how to drive, and find other people with funny hats and good heads on their shoulders.
It is what it is...until you recogize.
Peace, T.